Everything right now is a beautiful disaster.
First of all, let's gleefully ignore the fact that Grace fucked up again on commitment and is now blogging a month later.
Other than that...
I'm graduated.
I'm a fucking it.
I am not preparing that much for college yet, and I'm done with high school. I'm not a college kid nor a high school kid. I'm an it.
I'm falling head over heels for that guy, Stephen. He's nice and lovable and hot all rolled up in one fun package that I pray to see again every day. I don't know what's going to happen with us but honestly I don't know if I care. I just love being around him and being with him and having him want me. Jesus, all that boy has to do is want me around and I'm putty in his hands. I'm a mess haha.
I'm falling for the way he texts me good morning, and the way he's there when I'm horny or horrified, how he wants to cuddle with me and also do unspeakable things to me, how he accepts my crazy and always want to help with it, the way he's never taking anything too seriously, but seriously enough so that I don't feel like his mother the way it was with Alan sometimes. And moreover, I adore how I can just be me around him, and how unnaturally comfortable I am with telling him almost everything.
The scary part though, is that I never end out well with boys. But we shall see.
On the flip side, I'm excited and scared shitless of college. In one aspect, I get to grow up and meet new people and work on being me, on the other hand, I'm literally leaving almost every fucking person who has managed to still love me in my eighteen years behind. That is scary.
I mean i know a couple kids who will be going to school with me, even those I haven't gotten close to yet, so I will still have them, but cmon, its still scary. I'm leaving Kenzie, and Michael, and Stephen and they are my core people right now. Losing people is my greatest fear, and by gonig away I'll be throwing them out the window.
Hopefully I can still keep them. Hopefully we don't grow apart. I don't need that, and I don't want it.
I don't know what else to say.
College is scary but awesome.
I love boys.
The end.
Love,
Grace
