Day 11: Phone rant, AKA the I want to murder my friends talk

So i'm literally blogging from bed. I don't want to miss a day of blogging, but seriously, how goddamn lazy am I?

At least not as lazy and internet obsessed as my friends. Dear jesus. 

I warn you now, i may go on a bit of a rant. So here we go...

I unfortunately have the type of friends that spend way too much time on their phones. Its annoying as shit, first of all, when you're being more considerate and putting your phone away so that they don't feel ignored. I will be honest i am sometimes susceptible to goofing on my phone with them simply because they LITERALLY IGNORE ME FOR THEIR PHONES SOMETIMES. If you can't tell it infuriates me. 

First off, what kind of life is that, just sitting on your phone? What are you bring productive about? Oh, you have more tumblr followers today? Congrats, that matters sooo much in life. 

It just bothers me that they spend so much of their lives online. My best friend, Michael, absolutely hates it and refuses to even eat lunch with us anymore. I don't blame him, its boring as shit when they just sit on their phones, scrolling through stupid, useless information. 

I'm actually tempted to go sit with him and our friend Stephen than sitting with them and their dumb phones. They probably wouldn't even notice I was gone. 

Maybe i'm just not an internet person. Ok that's a lie I spend hours on writing websites. But being that I want to one day write novels as part of my career, that's important and fruitful to me. I guess i just don't understand where they're internet use serves them. And i don't understand why its so important you have to ignore your friends. 

Guess i'm just irritated by it, honestly. It makes me feel inadequate and boring. I mean, who doesn't feel boring when friends find phones moreinteresting than   them? 

Not even to mention how they're always on their phones when around me but not always on their phones when away from me. I love my friends but at the same time I wonder if its good i'm going to college and getting new ones soon :/ 

Anyway, end rant here.

Hope you had a better day than me haha and wish me luck on finals. 

Love, 

Grace

Day 10: An itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, bit pissed off

So, I've told you how I've written a novel, right?

Well, I post my novels on Figment. And on Figment sometimes you "Swap" with another author, meaning you review theirs, they reviews yours, and its all happy. Its been over 24 hours and this person has not done their end of the swap. O_O I'm going to murder them.

Ok, I'm totally overreacting. They'll probably review in the next day or two.

BUT WHAT IF THEY DON'T. 

This kind of shit is why I can't be on a mood high while trying to promote my writing. Because I get irritable and mean and a little bit crazy...

So, I told you I would tell you a story, so here it is. And for safety's sake I will change names, so hopefully no one I know ever finds this. O_O

let's set the scene. I was in my friend Marissa's basement and me and my friends were all hanging out. I had a boyfriend at the time, named Matt. It was only eighth grade, so it wasn't serious. But the whole group was sitting in a circle when, out of the blue, one of my friends, Alan, decides to be a prick.

"Grace and Matt should kiss!" Before I could protest, he stood, and motioned to everyone else. "C'mon guys, let's give them some privacy."

AND THE ENTIRE GROUP BUT MATT AND I FOLLOWED HIM OUT.

*cue awkward music* 

So Matt and I sat awkwardly in silence for awhile, and I liked the kid, but I wasn't at all in love with him. He was just fun to talk to and nice, so I dated him. Anyway, Matt suddenly looks at me, and says, "You know, I really would like to kiss you, Grace."

He begins to lean towards me, and then, right there, I get a nauseous feeling in my stomach. Without a second thought, I muttered, "I have to go to the bathroom."

And I ran upstairs and puked. I was mortified at the time, but now I can't help but laugh at it. But I barely talked to Matt the rest of the entire night after that, and gave him an awkward hug goodbye.


The next week I broke up with Matt...

Ok, I'm awful, I broke his heart, but honestly, guys, he tried to kiss me and I puked. if that wasn't a sigh I didn't like him I don't know what was.

So that is my story for the day. I'm an awful, despicable human being who pukes when her boyfriend says he wants to kiss her haha. Why am I laughing? God, if Matt knew... I dunno. But thank the dear lords he does not know. That would have made our break up so much more awkward.

Long story short, my life is a sitcom, and I am a mess.

On the plus side, saw a cute boy at big boy, so I've got that going for me.

Hope you have a lovely night.

Love,

Grace

Day 9: Lost and confused and a little heartbroken too

Ok, this sounds way more dramatic than it is, but to me its pretty dramatic.

I finished Blue.

Obviously, I'm going to go back and edit it and make it better and work on the chapters, but its done. Finito. Over. I'm so happy.

I'm also so sad.

Its weird to fall in  love all over again, and let go of your old love.

OH GOD I JUST SPENT AT LEAST AN HOUR IGNORING THIS. 

That was not my intention.

I just got into reviewing another story and lost all thought. Whoops, distractions.

I just... I'm so excited.

I wrote a novel. I got accepted to college. I'm doing well in school. I'm happy. I have no boy troubles. If I work hard enough, I may be able to get published. I dunno, its just all so surreal. I never want to sleep, and i never want to close my eyes and wake up just to find my life had been a dream. Yes, my life has had hella shitty points. Yes, I'm still not 100% the person i want to be. But I'm getting there, and that makes me happy. One day I will be an Animal or Environmental scientist or an author, and I will not be able to think of anything better to do with my time. I don't think I'll be able to be unhappy.

Obviously I'll have lows, everyone does. But I just can't believe after this month of pure joy that life could be going anywhere but up right now.

Who knows, maybe even more stuff will start working out for me. Here's to hoping!

Wow this must be annoying, jsut hearing a girl blog about how perfect her life is right now. Well, next time, if I'm still happy, I promise to tell you guys a story. An interesting one. Maybe the one about when I puked when a boy tried to kiss me. ;)

Anyway, have a great night.

Cheers.

Love,

Grace

Day 8.5: Boys and guys and young men

 We've finally reached the ever so delicate topic about the ones with penises or whatever you youngin' folk call them today.

Ok, who am I kidding I AM a youngin folk.

But anyway, boys. Quite a pickle, they are. Of course, the same thing can be said about girls, but its a lot more confusing from the opposite gender's point of view. And, being a young woman, boys are on my mind.

 I've been kind of a mess when it comes to boys. For reasons that won't be spoken of yet, I have had quite a heartbreaker history, one that kind of continues today. Ok, not an extensive one, but I've messed with the heads of 4-5 young men, and that makes me feel awful.

So that happened. I broke up with them for dumb reasons because I was afraid of them hurting me. End of story, it was lame and inconsiderate, but I did it. Ok, well, one was because I was in love with another guy, but that's a story for another time.

Anyway, I haven't been the perfect example of a poor girl looking for love and doing nothing wrong in the process. I've done some stupid shit. I've broken hearts and had my heart broken. Nobody's perfect.

But boys. They're a mess too! Some jsut want to be loved, some just want sex, some just know they feel something and have no clue what the hell is going on, and some pick another girl over you. Shit happens.

I guess what I'm saying is nobody's perfect, and I still love boys even though they haven't been perfect to me. I still want to be around them, and love them.

Confession time: My name is Grace Jordan and I am addicted to boys.

Can't wait for college and learning and social events and... little secret... new boys. I need help. But i really do want to go to college mostly for learning.

Only mostly though ;)

I'm a mess.

Love,

Grace

Day 8: Reimagining and submersing

So, many a good thing happened in the past twenty four hours.

I had a great long talk with my mother, and I got out three main points about my friendships and why I think they've been stressful as of late:

1.) I'm growing up and changing and settling into a new lifestyle of who I want to be, and am in turn changing as a person and not quite being the adorable, nice, little sweet girl they remember me as. Which would frustrate any friends, if you no longer fit in their pocket ideal of who they want you to be.

2.) My friends are also changing and they seem to be going in an opposite direction of me, a ways away from being carefree, optimistic, and happy about life. They seem to be pessimistic, cynical, depressed, and full of real and frivolous worries that I think just aren't worth the energy or are things you should try to fix or try to learn to deal with instead of just worrying about them. Which is leading us in two very different directions.

3.) I am now pretty convinced they are subconsciously mad at me. They don't mean it, of course, I don't think they literally think "Ooh, that Grace girl!" But I do think that in the back of their heads, they are angry I am happy. They are angry writing is going so well, they are angry my college stuff is all set up, that I know who I want to be and where I want to be, that I have gotten things figured out and I'm genuinely happy when they are genuinely not. And there's nothing I can do about that.

Anyway, it was a nice talk, about college and the future and all that jazz. It makes me sad about my friends, but there's nothing I can do. I like who I'm becoming. I'm not going to change that just because they're not happy with themselves.

Also, more work on Blue. I have now added his mother's perspective and I'm liking how its going, its adding more depth to the story. I like it. I'm hoping others like it too.

Wish me luck!

Love,

Grace

Day 7.75: Wasting time and writing, but they're not synonomous

So i've just been sitting here in my room. Writing. And cleaning. And reloading pages to see if my writing has more views on it O_O. I need serious help, honestly.

So the fanfiction is going well, its up to 43 pages in a word document *eep that is so much!* and Blue is lovely. 

I'm just having fun, but I miss my friends. I miss people. I like being cooped up writing but sometimes it gets boring and repetitive. 

Maybe I'll see what they're up to tonight. Maybe then I'll be less bored.

Maybes. I live for those. 

Ok, have a lovely day. 

Good luck. 

Love, 

Grace 

Day 7.5: Re-evaluating my life and realizing my changes

I'm growing up.

That's terrifying. That literally terrifies me.

I've been cleaning more, taking care of my room. I've been committing more to stories, and committing more to my own health and stability than my friends. Though I love my friends and hold them dear, I've become more self-reliant lately. And overall, I just feel a change in me.

I don't quite know what caused it.

I think it has been happening slowly over the past few months, and it just now hit me. Maybe this is why my friends and I have fought more, because I'm becoming a new me and they're staying the same.

Its just very, very... strange.

Its as if suddenly being eighteen has changed me. Its like that simple number has grown me into a new human being, a stronger one, but also a more afraid one. I'm terrified and confident all at once. Its very odd.

Well, I don't really know what to say but that this is quite a strange development. Part of me likes it, another part is terrified of it, and disgusted by it.

Guess we'll have to see where things go.

Cheers, you.

Love,

Grace