Day 50: Should I let it all go?

I can't be needy.

Stephen may like me, but he doesn't need me. and I need him. So what's a girl to do?

And Kenzie thinks I'm needy.

There go two of my people. One thinks I'm too needy and the other probably thinks it too. I don't want to be needy.

I guess maybe the best thing is for it to be over.

I don't want it to be over.

Oh god I'm crying. I hate being this needy, I hate needing people, I always love but I hate when I love too much.

I don't know what to do.

I'm in love with him, and I love her.

But its not healthy for me to need them more than they need me. Its pathetic to sit here needing people instead of being my own person. I used to be so independent. But now I need people. I don't know if that makes me weak or strong.

I don't know what to do I want to talk to people but i don't want to bother them...

I want to text Stephen or call him but I don't... I don't want to be this emotional freak to him. I just want to be normal and happy but I'm freaking out.

I'm such a fucking flake. And a heartbreaker. and an emotional disaster. I don't know why anyone puts up with me. They shouldn't waste their time or hearts on me. I'm a ticking time bomb; a walking disaster.

I dunno what i should do. Everything is falling apart.

I feel so empty and suffocated all at once.

It hurts.

Love,

Grace