Day 51: Talking

I had a major meltdown last night. I feel super guilty about it all. I hate worrying the people I care about, but it happened.

Stephen is now worried about me. Damn, I did not intend that I just was freaking out, and it came out of nowhere. Well it came out of somewhere, out of Kenzie calling m needy, but I so totally flipped out.

Now we're going to talk today, probably.

Guess I'll have to start off with the fact that I'm stupid in love with him and that causes me much anxiety.

It probably should have been a bigger deal that yesterday was my 50th blog post, but I digress.

Then I'll probably have to move on to the fact I'm so confused about what we are and what he wants from me. A friend with benefits? a Girlfriend? What?

I dunno it'll just be stressful. And I'll probably have trouble meeting his eyes because I'm awful at serious.

I'm just scared. I don't want it to be over but I have to ask these questions because they've been dancing around in my head, driving me crazy for awhile now.

I don't know if I've ever been this serious about a boy and they've had a glimmering chance of caring as much back so I'm just scared. I could ruin everything today.

Or maybe not.

I don't know.

Not knowing is the hard part.

Guess we'll talk today and I'll update this later. Maybe crying, maybe not, guess we'll see.

Love,

Grace