Day 30: Doctor's and science fiction.

So, I am perfectly healthy! We think the bouts of chest pain were just stress, so joy to the world about that! :)

In other news, my friend Kenzie has something important to tell me and I'm kind of freaking out. What does she have to tell me? Has she been denied to where she wants to go for college? Is she mad at me? Is there something wrong? Is she sick? is her mom sick? Is she moving? Whatttt?

I'm so worried.

Hopefully I don't get stressed out again and hurt myself at dance. That would be horrifying. If I feel any chest pain I'm sitting out, that's it, nada, done, finito.

We've already been over the dance thing, so I won't reiterate but... seriously. Why today, why when I have so much to do and so little motivation.

Well in more other news, I have chosen Dune as my science fiction independent reading book. Yes, I have chosen to be the queen of the geeks.

And i have to read The Tower of Babylon tonight and I feel like it not.

I'm just so goddamn lazy lately.

I hate senioritis.

Screw me, I'm just making excuses. I'm just so very done with high school and having these eight hour days with no breaks and not having my own choices. I'm so ready for college, to try new things.

So some call it senioritis. I call it being a lazy ass piece of shit who needs to get her act together.

I'll get it all done by tomorrow. I have Tower of Babylon reading and AP questions to answer. I'll be fine. I'll get it all done. Breathe, Grace, breathe.

I know most people say hold onto your teenage years, stop trying to throw them away, stop trying to be an adult, but I feel so ready to be n adult. Hell, I think my head has been ready since I was four years old. Maybe an exaggeration, but I just feel ready for the world. I'm so excited to start a life, to start a career, to start a family. I want children, I want to help people, I want to help the environment, and I want to write. And by god, I will try to have all of those.

I just... I've wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. I've loved nature and wanted to help people since I was a kid. I've wanted to be a mother since I was a kid. I just want the things I've been dreaming of since I was little. I never dreamed of being a teenager, I just dreamed of being me.

And, hopefully, soon, I'll get to be me.

And that's the most exciting part of college. Being me.

I hope you can be yourself everyday of your life, because being yourself is glorious.

Just be beautiful you.

Love,

Grace