Saturday, February 15, 2014

Day 39: Broken hearts and fears

What if I kill her?

Mandy feels like she's losing everything to me. What if that kills her?

She's a suicidal, depressed girl. What if my decision to cut her off kills her? if not today, what if tomorrow, what if later on in life? 5 years? 10 years? What if what I've done is the beginning of the end for her?

She's pushing Kenzie away. And I took the boy from her. And I took me from her.

I'm terrified that it might send her over the edge and I don't know how to save her without hurting myself.

I can't right now. I feel awful and sick and...

I complained to Kenzie all day about this, and Michael is out of town.

Maybe I'll talk to my boy about it. Maybe he can help.

PS: I'm only calling him my boy because I have yet to find a proper pseudonym for him. :/

I just feel awful. I feel like a horrible human being. I don't know what to do.

I just... I can't right now.

I don't know.

Love,

Grace

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