Day 41: What am I getting myself into

I'm falling for him. Why does that terrify me so much?

Maybe because I'm the queen of having the shit terrified out of me, and the queen of being convinced everyone will leave me.

Maybe because I'm genuinely terrified of most things.

And maybe because after he accidentally mildly compared something I said to Mandy, I might be flipping out worried that I'm nothing but another fling to him. That I'm not special.

I need to breathe. I really need to breath. he probably meant nothing by it, but its still terrifying. I don't want this to not matter. All I want is for it to matter.Its nice to feel like you matter.

Its been almost two weeks of straight talking and I'm beginning to fall. I don't know if that's good for me, based on the fact I tend to fall too fast and this is one of my slower departures from sanity, or if its bad, and still seems too fast. I'm not crazy head over heels for him, no, but i can feel the feelings on the tip of my tongue, just begging to be true, just begging to be special.

And the crazy part is I think I might be special. He says I'm pretty and he's attracted to me and that I am awesome and he enjoys my company, but is that enough? Wow i'm being needy as fuck. It should be enough. I just always am so uncertain about other people's feelings unless they're 100% upfront with me about them, and always assume the worst until they are.

I really like him. I want this tot turn into something special, something tangible.

Maybe with time it will,I just have to be patient. And, for today, I'll just let him text me first so I'm not an annoying piece of shit.

Yep, yep, yep.

Love is a mess.

Hope you have better confidence about it.

Love,

Grace