Day 27: First bathtub blog

We knew this was coming. Knowing how lazy I can be, and also how busy I can be, a bathtub blog was imminent. 

I have about three events to get to today. Ok maybe two, but being my brother's basketball game and my friend's eagle court of honor, they're pretty big things. 

I'm working with a couple people to edit my whole novel, but two are beginning to slack and another has done nothing so far. So joy. 

I don't blame the one who has done nothing, we just recently started conversing about the novella, Blue. So hopefully she gets done with that pretty quickly and such. 

So my ex started a blog about his life. And i secretly read every entry. Am I messed up? 

Yeah, kind of. I'm the one who broke up with him way back when, so I really should not be so interested in his life.

But I am.

I feel like I might still care, but seeing that he avoids me like the plague, its doomed. So oh well. 

Last spring was the last time we really talked, and he kissed me and I was too chicken to say I still cared. So he cut me off and its been a mess. I was a good solid mess for a couple months, dreaming about him and waking up crying. I think my heart broke so profusely because I could have fallen in love with him, it could have been something special, but he was too scared of it, of me, to let it happen andso there we are. 

A chance at something special gone. 

It just kills me how close we were to it and then... Nothing.

All because we both were too scared to do anything. 

I hate myself profusely for running away from that one. But I guess it just teaches me not to run from something that could be really good anymore. 

I miss him, still. I glance at him and class and miss his dumb jokes and awkward flirting and long talks about life and important things. I miss all we were two years ago. 

But I guess its over now. Nothing I can do. I can't make him want me. 

He wants this other girl, in his opera class. She's really pretty and seems very nice. I can't really try to get in the middle of that, if he really cares for her. 

So alone I go. I have friends, sure. Kenzie and Michael mean the world to me. But alone on the relationships front. 

I just want a chance at that happiness. But no one wants me. 

That's always a sad feeling. That no one wants you. But I guess I've grown accustomed to it. 

Such is life. 

I hope you run into them today, someone you love. I hope its the beginning of something magical. 

Love, 

Grace