So I realized something pretty major awhile back that i didn't even think about, not really, until now.
My friends don't care about my writing. They don't try to read my writing, they don't seem excited over it like I am, just the occasional "Yay Grace!" when i finish a story up.
They read one page and then just stop, like my feelings don't matter.
I put my soul into my writing, and its ok for stranger's to reject it, that I understand. But my own friends? That's low, and painful.
Yet again, its probably just another case of friends being inconsiderate and not thinking about me, not actually trying to attack me with some sort of vendetta. But I can't help but feel like if they really cared they would bother to read it. They'd share my happy moments, and my sad moments, not just the moments that they want to share. They'd read my writing for the simple fact that they loved me and wanted to feel my heart, which is beating in the pages of that story.
I dunno, I'm getting deep. Maybe I should send my writing to other friends, not the ones who mean well but always seem to let me down. Well, more Mandy than Kenzie, but still. My best friends aren't perfect.
I guess I shouldn't expect them to be either, but something would be nice.
Its decided. I'll send it to another friend, one who I'm pretty certain will read it for me.
Problem solved.
Ok, not really, I'm still upset with my best friends, but knowing some of my friends care is better than nothing.
I also think I talk about writing on here a lot because no one cares if I rant about writing, they just listen if they want to. No one is giving me uninterested looks or looks of disdain.
So anyway, onto another sad realization.
Blue is not a love story.
I thought it was a minor love story, between Morgan and Conner, but the more I wrote from Morgan's perspective, and the more I thought of Conner's obsessive worship of her, I realized, its not a love story. Morgan and Conner were in love with each other, once, but soon they find themselves in love with the idea of each other rather than who they really are. Morgan obsessively tries to figure Conner out, at any costs, while Conner is simply using Morgan as a source of happiness, as a source of light, where he has none. She could be a sack of potatoes personality wise and he'd still try to place all his future hope on her.
They are people in love with each other, but people that are not right for each other.
That's more tragic than anything. That's why I think when i called the story a tragedy on one website, i think was the most accurate I have ever been about it. Its a tragedy. Everything is tragic. No one has a happy ending, its just violent truth about depression and love and the way the world works.
I know if I'm ever published people will either see my point or, unfortunately, fall in love with Morgan and Conner's "Love story". But honestly, after reading it several times, I just don't think its as much of a love story as it is a sad story about two kids who tried to find each other together and it didn't work out.
And it not working out, that hope dying, is one of the most tragic things of all.
If I wasn't so manic I'd be crying.
Oh well.
Hope I didn't depress anyone too horribly.
keep up the smiles, you, I mean it. Smiling makes you beautiful, always.
Good night.
Love,
Grace
No comments:
Post a Comment