So, we had to read Poisonwood Bible in Ap Lit. I got bored one night and, without annotating, read ahead and finished the book. I thought it would be no big deal to go back a second time through and annotate it, no biggie, I liked it well enough.
But two weeks ago I went back to try to annotate it, and I wanted to cry.
I only liked the book, only moderately ok, so going back, I didn't realize I'd hate it.
I'd hate going back and trying to read again. I just have to accept my teacher's horrified, disappointed face because honestly, I can't. And that scares me. I hate that disapproving look.
I hate disappointing people, more than anything, honestly.
Its probably why though I have dark impulses I am a goody two shoes. Because though i think, nah I'll just fail this class, or nope, won't do my homework, just picturing disappointment terrifies me. But at the same time I can't find love in doing something I hate. So its a double edged sword. Be miserable and do work or be happy and get disappointing looks.
That is one thing I hate about learning. Having to learn things you hate to be 'acceptable' in life. People should only do things they enjoy, or don't mind doing. I know that's unrealistic, but you'd think we have so many people in the world maybe it could almost be entirely true.
I dunno. I just wish the education system tried harder to make kids happy instead of making them miserable. Because I know way too many miserable students.
Also, I may have a new novel idea. get hyped! Blue is finished and I'm thinking of new things, how exciting. I'm excited. You should be excited too.
Not trying to push my happiness on you or want to make you happy for me sorry.
Anyway...
I found someone to swap all of Blue with me and that makes me happy, to get an overall review of the entire thing. Makes me a little hyped.
I'm just hyped.
Just get hyped!
Love,
Grace
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