Day 21.5: Its over.

Its all over.

I want to go back, I wish it more than anything, but I can't.

We've gone too far, and we can't go back now.

Its like my favorite Andrew Paul Woodworth song, Starting To Turn.

"I know, I must be caught, in between what, I  want and should say, and we know deep in the well of my heart, I really want to stay... But I'm already starting to turn away."

I kind of am living this song right now. You should really look it up, its tragically beautiful.

It just hurts. But I know I made the right call for my sanity. I couldn't take that friendship anymore. It was so painfully toxic. So toxic.

It wasn't good for either of us. And it hurts a lot, just like a break up, but I honestly think its for the best. Otherwise we'd truly begin to hate each other.

We just weren't right for each other anymore. We got on each other's nerves too often, we are too irritated with each other, we simply don't see eye to eye anymore. And we certainly don't understand one another anymore.

I'd love to just say she doesn't get me anymore, and put her as the one at fault, but honestly, I don't get her anymore either. I don't understand why she does what she does. All I do is piss myself off trying to figure it out.

It was a good friendship. And we had some great times. But its over now, and I have to be ok with that.

I have to live with my choice.

It was a hard choice to make, and maybe it was 'the easy way out', but I know me, and I know that I can't take anymore fights and I don't think she could either.

I wish apologizing could fix it all. But it can't. Sometimes things stay broken.

And we're broken.

Maybe she'll hate me for my decision. I don't know. But I had to stop us from stabbing ourselves in the heart all the time by being friends. I couldn't take the pain anymore.

Its hard to let go of relationships you've grown comfortable in. Hell, its why so many people wrong for each other stick together for so long. Because its simply comfortable to. Its simply familiar.

But someone's got to look at the relationship and realize when enough is enough.

And I don't think any of my friends agree with me, and maybe they'll all hate me for it, but I had to call it with Mandy. I had to call it off. There was no other logical choice.

Maybe I'm heartless, maybe I'm cruel, maybe i made the wrong decision. But I made it and I can't turn back now.

I'm already starting to turn away.

Its painful, but it happens. And now I just have to live with it.

Here's to loving.

Cheers, dears.

Love,

Grace