So, many a good thing happened in the past twenty four hours.
I had a great long talk with my mother, and I got out three main points about my friendships and why I think they've been stressful as of late:
1.) I'm growing up and changing and settling into a new lifestyle of who I want to be, and am in turn changing as a person and not quite being the adorable, nice, little sweet girl they remember me as. Which would frustrate any friends, if you no longer fit in their pocket ideal of who they want you to be.
2.) My friends are also changing and they seem to be going in an opposite direction of me, a ways away from being carefree, optimistic, and happy about life. They seem to be pessimistic, cynical, depressed, and full of real and frivolous worries that I think just aren't worth the energy or are things you should try to fix or try to learn to deal with instead of just worrying about them. Which is leading us in two very different directions.
3.) I am now pretty convinced they are subconsciously mad at me. They don't mean it, of course, I don't think they literally think "Ooh, that Grace girl!" But I do think that in the back of their heads, they are angry I am happy. They are angry writing is going so well, they are angry my college stuff is all set up, that I know who I want to be and where I want to be, that I have gotten things figured out and I'm genuinely happy when they are genuinely not. And there's nothing I can do about that.
Anyway, it was a nice talk, about college and the future and all that jazz. It makes me sad about my friends, but there's nothing I can do. I like who I'm becoming. I'm not going to change that just because they're not happy with themselves.
Also, more work on Blue. I have now added his mother's perspective and I'm liking how its going, its adding more depth to the story. I like it. I'm hoping others like it too.
Wish me luck!
Love,
Grace
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